Trying to become a creator is a roller coaster of a journey.
While I hold on to my purpose as if it is my compass, I feel that the storms of external validations (reach, likes, engagement, etc) are not going to make this journey a smooth one. Then sometimes my compass malfunctions due to self-doubt, low battery and other internal struggles.
This is a journal of this roller coaster. It’s for me to remember this journey and for you to see what goes on behind that confident person who shows up on your screen. If you are on a similar journey to mine, it is also to tell you that you are not alone because I wish I could see another creator going through this to feel like I’m not alone.
August 1 and 2 – Family days
My mom is here today and tomorrow. So, I’m not taking any pressure to create these two days. I would rather spend quality time with her and pamper her as much as I can.
But there’s a touch of guilt I’m feeling.
August 3, Saturday – A little down
My mom left yesterday, and I was eager to dive back into work. I woke up with energy, hoping to post today since it’s been 4 days and I’ve only managed 1/3 of my posts this week.
I wrote 2 solid scripts, planned content for the month, and played around with Substack.
Then, I hit a wall. Instead of pushing myself, I let it be and spent the day with a friend and at the gym. By the end of the day, I felt amazing and confident about tomorrow.
August 4, Sunday – Trying to catch up
I gave myself the ambitious task of creating this week’s content and if possible the next week’s also ahead of time. This way I will have more time to hang out with people this month.
But I ended up having a slow day. I managed to film tomorrow’s video. Then I planned out the next two videos in the Joy Series. Hopefully, I’ll be productive the next two days and catch up on the content.
That said, one thing I successfully managed to do was migrate my Newsletter to Substack and publish my first one from there. So, I did decent!
August 5, Monday – Energy down
After a week of barely doing anything at all, I was hoping to kill it today. Instead, I ended up feeling dead by the end and took a very long nap. PMS fatigue. I barely had any energy and wasn’t in the headspace to even post the video I made yesterday.
August 6, Tuesday – Still not okay but showed up
Today wasn’t any better either. But I haven’t posted in a week and I could feel the resistance to create building (momentum is crucial). So, today I posted the video I shot on Sunday even though I had grown to hate it in the last 2 days. And it did better than I expected!
August 7, Wednesday – So much gap!
This week I have to post the next video in my Choosing Joy Series. There’s been a two-week gap and I can’t push it any further. Despite having a slightly packed workday, I found gaps to take the last few shots I needed for it and called it a day. I also managed to write the next newsletter and the outline for the next blog.
August 8, Thursday – I know it’s not going to perform
But I don’t care. Today I edited and posted my 5th video in the Choosing Joy series. This series has been a work of love for me and I have gotten really okay even if the numbers don’t reflect the effort and thought I put into it. These are for me.
August 9 (Friday) to 12 (Monday) – Friend-time
My friend came over to stay and it was also that time of the month. I just finished up the pending tasks of the week like sending a newsletter and publishing a blog and called it a week. Spent a lot of time hanging out and resting.
The blog that I posted is actually something that has been helping me a lot with consistency-
August 13, Tuesday – Focus on the Joy Circle
I have been putting this off too much! According to my targets, I need to have started one monetisation mode by next week. But since the idea came early, I wanted to execute it before the excitement wore off. So, I spent today primarily on research for this. I signed up for a course on Happiness and Fulfillment. Came across a lot of amazing information and I feel ready to conduct it.
Couldn’t get to posting a reel today though.
August 14, Wednesday – Still not feeling it
With my periods over, I expected to be in high spirits today and back at work in full swing. But with the r*pe news and probably general fatigue too, I’m not feeling up for anything. I still managed to post a reel by choosing a format that required the least effort.
August 15, Thursday – Independence Day, took a day off and had a game day with friends.
August 16 (Friday) to 18 (Sunday) – Anger, Frustration and Hopelessness
The Kolkata r*pe case ended up being a serious trigger. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and am angry throughout the day. When this is our reality, when I feel unsafe in this world on an everyday basis, what is the point of talking about joy or curiosity? I had no heart to actually conduct the Joy Circle this week so I called it off too.
I have a lot to say about this issue. After much debate on whether I should say anything, if it’s my place or if it will make any impact at all, I decided to say something. Because just talking about joy and curiosity isn’t the real picture. And my page is for all the stories that I think are worth telling.
August 19, Monday – Acceptance
I posted another reel surrounding the issue. As much as it had a great message and was similar to the previous one, I knew that this wouldn’t perform as well and it didn’t. But it doesn’t seem to matter as much.
August 20, Tuesday – The grind
I finished shooting the next reel on the Joy Series. And I wrote a draft of my next newsletter.
August 21, Wednesday – Self-doubt
Okay, one-third of the month is over and I’m starting to see that I’m not doing well this month. Today is yet another down day. I’m struggling to show up. Struggling to push myself to create content. On days like this, the direction I set up for myself feels so hazy. What am I even doing?
August 22, Thursday – Bounced back
Today was the perfect productive day! I edited my next Joy Series reel. Sent this week’s newsletter and got such sweet messages for it! These are the things that keep me going.
I made another reel on how chasing the ‘expected goals’ is tiring and posted it. I also completed creating my Joy Circle structure and the presentation to go with it. What a productive day!!
August 23, Friday – Nervous and excited
Today I focused on creating and promoting my Joy Circle. The presentation is ready and eight people have signed up… what?! I’m super nervous and excited.
August 24, Saturday – BIG MILESTONE
Milestone achieved! I conducted my first-ever session – Joy Circle – and people actually showed up! Eight people registered and four made it to the session even though two were my closest people. But who cares?! It’s still a great milestone that I was too hesitant to hit in the past few weeks. And it also means that I made my first income from my Instagram page!
The feedback was pretty good too <3
August 25, Sunday – New series
The rush to make it to the 3 reels (that’s my target for every week) mark seems only to hit me on Sundays. I posted the first reel of my next series – ‘things I knew before I was 25 that I seem to have forgotten along the way.’ I was thinking about how there are a few things about joyful living and curiosity I knew much better when I was younger and I had forgotten about the stress of adulthood, so I thought I would make a series about it.
August 26, Monday – Not happening
Maybe I should just write off Mondays as no work days for my brand. It’s just not happening.
August 27, Tuesday – Guest day
The script for the next reel is ready! But I had guests over today and couldn’t spend time on my reel or anything else on my task list.
But I did manage to promote this week’s Joy Circle and got 3 registrations!
August 28, Wednesday – Reel day
I posted a reel on self-care and self-love that has had a huge positive impact on my life lately. Talking to the camera with my mic is becoming my fav way of creating content because it’s easy and allows me to express myself better. But just as I expected, it has a shitty reach. Well, it’s okay… I think.
August 29, Thursday – Newsletter day is now my fav day
I shared my Newsletter today – Throw the label, keep the action. Again, I got a couple of sweet comments! To be honest, Substack is becoming my favourite platform and Newsletter is becoming my fav creation channel. Absolutely love it.
I actually posted a note on the platform about a practice I do that helps me write better and with a better mindset. It was received so well for someone who has just started on the platform. One published writer even re-created it for herself and tagged me. It made me so so so happy.
August 30, Friday – Hurried post
Okay, I’m very behind in this week’s content and I wanted to share something about the Joy Circle session. So, I quickly whipped up a carousel post and shared it.
I also finalised the activities of Joy Circle for tomorrow. I have 6 registrations so far and I’m thrilled.
August 31, Saturday – Joy Circle 2
I conducted my second session!! And it went well!!!
I was hoping to share one more reel to complete the 3 piece target for the week, but I wasn’t able to gather the energy and motivation. So, I let it be.
Monthly Reflection
Honestly, on an everyday basis, I didn’t feel like I did very well this month. And the Instagram stats slowly started dropping. While I wasn’t crestfallen, it was irritating.
That said, it’s also a big win for me. I showed up still and created the pieces that were true to me without feeling terrible about the numbers. This month was a great practice for me to detach from the numbers.
| My Instagram Numbers | July | August |
| Total Pieces Shared | 10 | 9 |
| Overall Follower Gain | 32 | 20 |
| Monthly Reach | 10,605 | 5,790 |
| Impressions | 33,212 | 23,969 |
| Profile Activity | 1228 | 946 |
My Substack numbers have started off really well though! I started with 65 subscribers (a list I had before through this blog which I migrated to Substack).
And as far as the biggest win of this month, Joy Circle! As someone who is hoping to build a career that will give me time, location and financial flexibility to live the slow life that I want through content, this is a great first step. I use the ‘pay as you wish’ model for this circle because I’m doing this more for the fulfilment it brings, but still, I made my first money. I’m thrilled.
September thoughts
September has me feeling a bit anxious because life is about to shift, and I know it might get hectic with all the tasks and emotions that come with it. But, deep breath—I’m planning to batch-create some content and get ahead this month. Plus, September is usually a lucky one for me (it’s my birthday month!), so I’m hopeful things will turn out okay. Let’s see how it goes!
